The Empty Space
by enigmatic darling
Summary: Does this damn sunlight ever go away?" No. It doesn't. Future fic. Seven years of silence. And a bold return. Better late than never. Literati.
1. Default Chapter

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Title: The Empty Space

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I didwould I be here writing fanfiction? ;)

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

And to Ali, for helping me out with formatting my story.

A/N: _This is my first GG fic, I apologize in advance for the poor characterization._

If anything is similar (to anything), I assure you it's by coincidence. This was written between July '03-February '04. Title was not at all inspired by any of the songs with similar titles. ;) ~ Stephanie

Please R&R.

Chapter One: The Wall

The sunlight burned through his sheets, waking him up instantly to a bright, Monday morning. He groaned, as he rolled over the tangled white sheets. _7:15 AM. _He buried his head in his hands, groaning again. He stumbled out of bed, closing the blinds to hide the sunshine.

_'Does this damn sunlight ever go away' he thought to himself._

A strong force, suddenly pulled at him. It came out of the mist, as if it had been waiting for the perfect moment. It began like a bad dream, one that you allowed yourself to get pulled into… because you had to know the ending. Even if the ending is already given away. He just couldn't fight it.

The memories came to life; voices and scenes he had desperately tried to remove of his mind, rapidly returned.

_Rory._ The one-syllable name repeated in his head, automatically making his head ache. He fainted back on his bed, sinking himself into known territory, trying to think about something else. Something other than her. But the more he tried to deny her--the more real she became.

Time seemed to tick backward slowly, his life in reverse. He could see the faint outline of his figure calling Rory, clearly hearing the words that were to haunt him for years.

_'I think I may have loved you…'_ The ancient feeling of his heart tugging, begging him to say something… apologize… let her know everything … _anything_ buried in his chest. But he couldn't find the courage to tell her, not after everything. Not after all the damage he had done.

He watched the scene on the bus; telling her he couldn't go to prom, his eyes avoiding hers, knowing the emotion in her eyes. A painful memory he saw next, watching them kiss in the empty bedroom at Kyle's party. It was, quite possibly, one of the worst nights of his life. His insecurity and fear had teamed up and taken over. He couldn't tell her about his not graduating high school, the prom… or anything, for that matter. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment that was sure to cloud over her eyes. He couldn't let her down.

But he did anyway. Not intentionally, not exactly by accident… but by his own choices. Funny, how life works out that way.

The scenes changed from the irritable night he met her grandmother, to their first kiss as a couple, to the twenty-four hour dance marathon. With every scene, came a different emotion. He shook his head, desperately trying to stop this timeline going any farther back. Because he knew what he would see; he knew what would happen … he knew what it could do him.  


  
He saw their first kiss; the blue of her dress, the greens of their surroundings, and the black of his clothes blended together like a big blur. Everything that came before was hazy, completely blurry. He was stuck in this moment. Images collided with another, and voices were mixed all together so that it was impossible to understand. He was holding on to the thought, that if she had never given in … maybe … he would have learned to let go. Maybe he wouldn't have given in as well.

"Jess?" a voice called. "Jess, sweetie, come down. You're going to be late for work!" 

  


His eyes shot opened as sweat tricked down his forehead. He wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt, trying to regain his breath. As he slowly began to rise, he began to feel lightheaded. He sat upright on his bed, trying to keep his cool. _'She's gone, Jess. There's no need to be frightened of her, or anything that revolves around her,' he thought._

(If he told himself that enough, maybe he would forget the real problem.)

  
The voice called again, this time, irritation in her voice. He tried to move; but there he was, paralyzed with the image of Rory Gilmore planted in his mind. 

  
The faint sound of footsteps could be heard, nearing closer to the door. The doorknob turned without the slightest squeak, revealing a full dressed woman in the doorway. She was a slender woman, elegant in her ways. Her wavy brunette hair came past her shoulders, and her brown eyes gleamed in the light.

He didn't turn to look at her; instead, he found himself staring at the empty space in the wall. He continued to be mesmerized as the woman stepped closer to him. Nothing else existed except the empty space in the wall. His only desire was to fill it with something meaningful, unlike all the pieces on the wall. He fell, into one stupor to the next.

  
"Jess? You aren't even dressed yet," she said quietly. No response was uttered from his lips. "You're sweating," she said kneeling in front of him, her hand on his forehead. She pressed her hand to his chest, feeling the beat of his heart. "And out of breath," she added.

  
She looked at him with concern; her lips quivered. "What are you looking at, Jess? What's wrong?" She turned her head so that she too, was looking at the empty space.

  
Finally, he spoke. "Why isn't there anything filled in that space?" His voice was shaken and odd.

  
She turned back to look at him, "Does there have to be something there?"

  
He shook his head, turning his head away from the wall. "No, it's just, all the other walls in this room are completely filled, and this wall, has an empty space." His words were spoken through a light whisper, and as he spoke, the words hit hard.

  
She shrugged. "Maybe there just isn't anything to fill that space." She looked at him for a response, but received nothing but an emotionless face. "Stay home today, alright? I'll bring up your breakfast." She kissed him on the cheek, and then left to fetch his breakfast.

  
"Sure, Kate. I'll stay home," he whispered. But she was gone; leaving him with the voices inside his head, and the empty space in the wall.

  
He sat on his bed for another minute or two, before getting up to brush his teeth, and wash his face. The voices repeated in his head, letting a realization he may have known all along sink in. After seven years of living in California, putting his life together, and finally having… a life, it had all been a joke. A mistake. A lie. The voices were evidence of that.

  
_'I think I may have loved you …Maybe there just isn't anything to fill that space...'_


	2. Alone With My Thoughts

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Title: The Empty Space

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did_ would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

****

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

And to Ali, for helping me out with formatting my story.

A/N: _Thank you for reviewing. Lydia, you're so sweet. :) I don't know if anyone read my last A/N, but, it was written between July-February. This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org_

Just wanted to clear that up. ~ Stephanie 

Please R&R.

Chapter Two: Alone With My Thoughts

__

"Old photographs bring back sweet memories,

Lookin' at the way I held you then

Old photographs keep you here with me, 

Till I find a way to get back in the picture again…"

- Sawyer Brown

His breakfast sat in front of him, uneaten. He poked at the sausage and the scrambled eggs for awhile, stirring them around the plate. No doubt was the food cold; it had been sitting in front of him for nearly an hour. Eventually, he pushed the food aside, deciding that he would never eat it. Instead, he drank the orange juice that Kate had also brought up for him.

After gulping down the drink, he pulled off the sheets, now drenched with sweat. It was much too warm for any sort of blanket. He glanced around his bedroom, wondering what to do with all his spare time. After experiencing his so-called "nightmare," his eyes were much too worn-out; reading wasn't an option. No matter how much he wanted to read the words of Hemingway, Bukowski or Fitzgerald.

He managed to avoid the empty space on the wall, and instead turned his attention to the picture frame standing on his bedside table. He picked up the picture frame, and ran his fingers over the cool glass. He smiled slightly at the picture of Kate and him; the picture had been taken almost two years ago at a warm day at the beach. He remembered that it had been their two-year anniversary; it had also been the day they decided to move in together.

It seemed like a million years ago compared to one. A million years since he told her he loved her and believed he meant it. He thinks quietly to himself for awhile, and thinks it must have took a million years to move on. '_Oh, God,' he curses silently._

He set it back on the table, and now reached for his wallet sitting beside it. Anything to distract him, right? He opened the worn-out, leather wallet, and flipped through the pockets. His fingers searched through the pockets blindly, not really looking for anything at all. Thin plastic credit cards, crisp bills, dirty coins… His fingers dug deeper through the pockets. His fingers fumbled over useless junk that hadn't been taken out, and then, he felt an old, tattered material. His eyebrows crinkled as he frowned, as he didn't recognize the item.

Curious, he pulled it out, only to discover it was a folded picture. He could see the flakiness of the edges, tired and slowly falling apart. His tired fingers unfolded the picture, guessing what it was. Jimmy, Sasha and Lily? Liz? Kate? But none of his guesses seemed quite right. 

As the face of the photo was revealed, he drew back his breath in shock. His heart pounded as he ran his finger over the worn edges, and white creases. Christmas Morning. It was a picture he hadn't opened in six years. It was a snapshot of people that had become strangers to him within seven years. 

He unconsciously rubbed his thumb softly against Rory's face as if she would appear before him, by doing so. His arm was draped around her shoulder, and Rory was laughing at something he had just said. He looked at himself, and saw his expression… happy. Ridiculously happy.

Ribbon and wrapping scattered around them, their presents by their sides. Books, cds, and notes with endless meanings. The scene was much like something out of a magazine ad or a family show. It would seem fake to him if it hadn't been his past.

He sighed deeply as he folded it back to its original shape. He dropped the picture into the palm of his hand, and squeezed it softly for no reason. But it looked as if the happiness that he had felt at that particular time, would relocate to the person he was today with simple squeeze. He opened his hand, and stared at it in the palm of his hand. It looked so delicate and fragile.

Yet, he shoves it into his wallet, so frustrated he forgets to put it inside pocket. He closed the wallet, and couldn't remember why he ever thought a damn wallet would distract him in the first place.

Jess glanced out the window for a moment, and soon closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He regretted staying home instead of going to work. He's filled with thoughts-- provoking thoughts he shouldn't have. Her name echoes in his head, making him dizzy.

There was the possibility that if Jess had gone to work, he would have never realized … anything. He would have never found out how much she was a part of him. 

He didn't _want_ to be attached to a girl who he hadn't seen in seven years. Want … _want?_

The word repeats in his head over and over and over again up to the point where it becomes the after thought.

__

Need.

Oh, God.


	3. The Endless Dear Rory's

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Title: The Empty Space

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did _would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

To **Mai**, who's wallpaper based on the same poem inspired me.

A/N: _Thank you for reviewing. :D Just wanted to say again: **This is a revised version of a fic already done.**_

Please R&R.

Chapter Three: The Endless _Dear Rory's_

He sat upright in his bed, looking up every now and then to take a quick glance at Kate. Peaceful. He slowly closed his book, as if the sound could wake her.

He was too exhausted to read, but not entirely to the point where he was on the edge of sleep. Though he knew very well he shouldn't have, he stared directly at the empty space in the wall. There was something that _fascinated_ him about the space. Maybe it was the fact that a flood of emotions tumbled over him as his eyes met the space. It made him feel… alive… if it made any sense.

He glanced at Kate again, guilt seeping through him. She was innocent in all of this_--_his newly-found situation; an accidental victim. Kate had no knowledge of Rory, or much of his past that had taken place in Stars Hollow. In a queen-sized bed, lay Kate, calm and clueless; beside him, sat Jess, desperately trying to solve his fate.

It was unbelievable that after all these years, the happiness and love that filled his life, could be doubted in one dream about his past. It turned his live around, looking to be conceived as fake. He had thought about Rory plenty of times, mainly when he had first arrived in Venice Beach, but she had been far from his mind lately.

Ever since Kate had moved in, his thoughts about her became less frequent. Just when she had finally vanished from his mind, that's when she appeared. Fucking karma.

He had been so preoccupied in another world where Kate and Rory didn't exist these past few days that he never noticed the changes that he hadn't recognized until today. It's the way _he _feels when Kate is around him. When she places her hand on his face or tiptoes to kiss him.

No heart racing or choked breaths. Not even the nerving butterflies that swarmed inside the stomach. The golden rush that lasted for three years was cut off and shoved elsewhere. Even that, he felt guilt for. 

He slipped out of bed, and grabbed his wallet along the way. He tiptoed quietly out of the bedroom, and down the stairs. He slowly descended past the steps, so afraid he might wake her.

He made his way into the kitchen, and switched a few light switches on. His naked feet are cold against the hard tile. He placed the wallet on the kitchen table, and barely picks up his feet as he moved across the kitchen. He opens a kitchen cabinet and takes out a dark coffee mug, and soon reaches for the cold pot of coffee nearby. He pours himself a cup and reheats the mug inside the microwave.

In less than a minute, the smell of fresh coffee has returned. He takes it with him as he takes a seat at the table. He takes a long sip, filling his mouth with coffee. It's warmer than he expected, and it burns his tongue. He licks his lips, small drops of liquid on his mouth.

He stares at the wallet in front of him, and hesitantly picks it up with one hand. He lets it sit in the palm of hand, feeling strangely heavy as he does so. He believes he's just imagining things. He doesn't open it, but instead, brings it along with him to the living room. He shuts off the kitchen lights and leaves the coffee on the table. It doesn't cool down as it should.

He turns on a small lamp light, near two symmetrical filing cabinets. He sits on the ground and pulls a key from behind a piece of furniture: his hiding place. His fingers fumble with the key as it slips into the lock in the bottom drawer.

He hears the click and opens the drawer hesitantly. He knows what lays inside the bottom drawer. He knows what's inside that he's not sure he can face. Inside is a collection of letters, letters he had never sent.

They fill the drawer as a messy heap, piling on top of the other. Some lie folded, some opened. Some are tucked into envelopes, the ones that were so close to being sent. His eyes scan over the first layer, reading her name more than a hundred times. _Rory Gilmore … Rory Gilmore … Rory Gilmore … Dear Rory… Rory-- … Stars Hollow, Connecticut…_

He feels sick as he reads the tiny words. He wonders why he puts himself through this type of torture. But there is no escape. He can shut the drawer and push it all aside, but the hundreds of _Dear Rory's _can haunt him forever.

Both of hands move through the letters, he brushes them, looking for something in particular. As he does, sappy lines and apologizes meet his eye. Finally a brown package is revealed, under the pile of letters. He takes it out slowly and places it on the ground.

It's wrapped with brown paper and white string. He reads the label with her name again. The thread is so loose he can remove it in seconds. He turns the package over where the folds are and rips the tape away. Soon, the back cover of a paperback can be seen. His tired fingers turn it over to the front.

_E.E. Cummings: Complete Poems 1904-1962_

He sighs and flips through the yellow pages. He stops the task when his fingers meet the desired page; a note between the pages.

Rory--

I can't keep this.

I'm sorry.

- Jess

It lies between the pages of the poem he hopes she would read after the note. He closes his eyes briefly, feeling a kind of indescribable sadness. It felt so much more terrible after being avoided for so long.

Reluctantly, he brings the book closer so he can read the words.

__

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in 

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere 

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done 

by only me is your doing, my darling) 

i fear 

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want 

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) 

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 

and whatever a sun will always sing is you 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows 

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud 

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows 

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) 

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart 

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) 

As he finishes, a voice upstairs calls for him. He almost jumps at the sound.

"Jess, where are you?" he hears Kate call.

Her voice is so sweet and loving. It makes him want to cry from shame. He stares blankly at the words in front of him, lost.

"Jess?"

"Here," he croaks.

Silence.

"I'll be right up," he adds.

He gathers up the brown paper and string and shoves it back inside the filing cabinet. He locks it shut with his key and returns it back to its original place.

He gathers what he needs and turns off the light.

Unknowingly, he carries the book along with him.

But he _does _know that he'll never be able to speak to Kate in the same tone: loving.


	4. The Brick and the Wallet

****

Title: The Empty Space

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did_ would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

****

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

A/N: _Thank you for taking your time to review. :D **This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org **~ Stephanie _

Please R&R.

Chapter Four: The Brick and the Wallet

He steps onto the boardwalk and hears the chatter and laughter float through the summer air. The air smells sweetly like salt. It makes him think of cinnamon, for some odd reason. He feels so alone in a city where nobody is watching your every move and doesn't knows your name. He can't decide whether or not her likes this fact.

He's adapted to the lifestyle compared to past years, where he'd wear three top layers and top layers, no matter the weather. Someone taps him on the shoulder, kindly asking him a question as sun beams reach his eye.

He turns around and looks at the elder man with a frown. "Excuse me, sir, I couldn't help but noticed that you looked lost."

Lost. The word sounds so eerie as it echoes in his head. It seems like it will never stop. It grows louder every ten seconds, only to fade back, and again into it's loud tone. A vicious circle. Seven years of being a resident in the same area, and he's lost.

He tries to laugh, but fails. A strange, choky breath escapes, taking its place. He stares at the man, directly in the eye, looking confused. The elder man stares back looking remarkably patient. He knows this masks the annoyance inside.

"No," he tells him. "I'm fine." He draws out the words slowly, and loudly, thinking that the man may not be able to hear him. But he doesn't hear a request from him to repeat his answer. Simply a slight nod, and a small wave goodbye.

Jess watches the man walk in another direction, moving past people, looking very small. He feels the strange desire to catch his attention and tell him, "Yes. I'm lost. I've never been here before and I'm confused… it's so different. And I'm alone and …" When he repeats these words in his head, he imagines a vulnerable and trembling child. But of 'course he doesn't say a word.

After all, it made no sense.

-

He sits at his favorite place right before the beach begins. A concrete bench where he has the most perfect view of the crescent-shaped beach and the murky ocean. The water glitters under the sunlight, creating the awful lie that it's beautiful.

He sits there and listens to the sounds of the boardwalk behind him and the bright laughter and rush of the ocean in front of him. Somewhere between the loud noises and his own silence, his mind drifts off.

His heart aches with shame and torture of the terrible realization he discovered earlier today. He knows he can't keep it up much longer. He knows that only as time will go by, he'll crumble and break under the raging emotions.

He thinks of Kate and her friendship over the years. Her gentle face and sweet smile. She's a brick that never breaks or wears out. Never collapses from all the pressure and difficulties in her life. He thinks he will become dust to her.

He's just another to pass by and enter her life. There is no mark that he's made.

He grimaces under the burning torture of the sun and the heavy weight on his shoulders. He's already looking ahead to the future, predicting Kate's future. Just something else to distract him from his own. He stares blankly at the endless ocean, wondering if he'll ever learn.

He lowers his head and peers at his watch. He needs to get home. He makes the awkward attempt of getting back on the ground.

He feels unsteady.

-

He closes the front door softly, expecting Kate to come out of the kitchen and accuse of him of being late. "I've been waiting forever for you," he imagines her saying.

But the only sound in the house is rustle of movement above him. He walks to the couch and dusts off dirt from his nice pair of jeans. He leans his head back on the couch and smoothes out his black button down shirt. His hands are nervous, shaking from… everything.

He's so afraid. So terrified. He'd thought all of this… this side of him was all gone. He'd thought he had grown up and finally found the right path. But he was so misled. That path only led him back to where he started from.

Before he can continue these thoughts, Kate runs down the stairs and searches for lost objects. He can't find it in himself to even speak. "K-kate," he manages.

She turns to look at him, and smiles shortly. "Hey," she replies.

__

He just nods and takes this as the proper greeting. He watches her rush from place to place, her hands viciously searching through drawers.

"What are you looking for?" he asks. The question seems funny as it escapes his lips.

"My hairclip," she answers. "It's dark brown, and it's medium-sized…" her words trail off into the air. "Ah-hah!" she yells in triumph, seconds later.

She waves the brown hairclip in the air with a bright smile. "We ready now? The club is already open, and the show starts in less than half and hour," he informs her.

She holds up one finger, signaling one more minute. "Just have to get my purse."

He nods and waits back on the couch as he listens to her loud shoes against the stairs.

He reaches for his wallet in his back pocket, but reaches for nothing. He sighs and yells, "Kate, I left our tickets in my wallet! It's on the bed side table!"

He waits for her to appear at the bottom stairs so they can leave. It wasn't like he _wanted _to go. He just needed any chance at distraction. He definitely wasn't going to find that here.

"Jess!"

He sighs wondering if she can't find his wallet. "What?"

"Could you please come up here?"

He runs up the stairs; every step along the way, he feels he might trip. His shoes feel heavier by the minute. He walks down the hallway, every one in a while, he feels the sun upon his face. He talks as he approaches the bedroom. "I'm here Kate. What's wrong?"

He pushes the ajar door and walks in. When he does, he feels numb. Stiff. He stands dead still where he is. In front of him, stands Kate, in her red sundress, tan shoes with her hair pulled back with that brown clip. There was nothing wrong with this image standing before him, it was the object in her hand that made him feel afraid.

__

Christmas Morning. The picture.

"Care to fill me in?"

He chokes on his own breath. 


	5. Truth is a Whisper

****

Title: The Empty Space

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did_ would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

****

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

A/N: _You guys are awesome. Thank you! **This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org **~ Stephanie _

Please R&R.

Chapter Five: Truth is a Whisper

__

"Sometimes you choke on the smell just to breathe

I need to question what I need

Rhythm of silence that beats through your mind

Still you forget what you deny…"

- Goo Goo Dolls

His eyes were the only thing that could move in the daunting moment. They dart from the picture in her trembling hands, to the expression on her face. Her eyes were outlined with iciness; hurt filled the inside.

It was then when he realized his effect on her. The affect he could have on people. A strange, scary sensation shot up and down his spine.

"Kate, let me explain--" he pleads, sounding desperate to spill the thoughts echoing in his head.

"Who is she?" she asks through clenched teeth. She's so close from shedding a tear.

She wonders if he can sense this. Suddenly, she thinks of the times when Jess has claimed he was nothing. It wasn't always the obvious, but she could tell. She could see the message he was sending out.

Nothing. _He's nothing. _Right now, she thinks he had really have been nothing. Just a hazy dream meant to spin her around for a while. Her mind screams no.

He was just a hazy dream, meant to spin her around for a while, and then let go--leaving her dazed.

He isn't nothing.

Nothing doesn't effect you.

"I--She's--" No words tumble after. When the time comes for him to tell the truth--to speak--the chance slips from his fingertips.

"Who is she?" she demands, more forcefully. Her tone forces him to look at her directly in the eye, and he only knows … that he has to confess. Right here. Right now.

"Ex-girlfriend," he answers, looking away. His mouth feels dry as the word escapes his mouth. "Rory," he adds, for no reason. "My…" he wonders why another word has tumbled out. For a minute, he thinks he might finish with 'Rory'. (It scares him.) "Ex-girlfriend," he finishes.

She nods, taking in the information. She turns her back to him and takes deep breaths, trying with all her strength to force the tears down. They slowly rise to the rim of her eyes, ready to take its course.

"I can't believe this," she tells him, tossing the picture at him. He catches it, expecting the worst. "I--after everything--you…" she struggles with the words. Not finding the ones to express the feelings of fury and sadness. "God, Jess!"

He winces and places the picture on the bed. He walks near her, placing a hand on her bare shoulder; an awkward gesture. "Kate," he says gently.

She shrugs off his gesture and sits on the bed, slowly rocking back and forth. This time, he waits on the other side of the bed, for her to speak. There is no other option.

It doesn't take very long.

"How long?" she asks, not directly at him, but at the floor. She's stopped moving.

"What do you mean?" he replies. _How long?_ How long had he been out of love with her? How long had it been since he had rediscovered the past? How long had it been since he know their relationship was doomed?

"How long… have you been… thinking about her?" she answers, carefully. She takes frequent breaths, finding it hard to breathe.

He freezes. 

_'Every fucking day,' his mind thinks._

It's only half true. And he can't say anything that isn't entirely true.

"I don't know how to answer that," he responds, voluntarily looking at her. 

She turns to look at him, a question mark in every place of expression. He looks down again, at the floor… at the picture… at his hands. And then he is speaking… not even knowing what he is saying. Something else is speaking for him.

"She's been on my mind ever since I've moved here," he begins.

A stab.

"Before you knew me … every day."

Nothing.

"When I met you… every day."

A stab.

"When you moved in… occasionally."

A shiver.

"These past few weeks … nothing."

A healing.

"These past few days …"

Silence.

They sit, anticipating the crash that will take everything in its path.

"Every other moment," ends the confession.

He waits for her reaction. He waits for the fight to begin, the hurt tone, the angry eyes, the screaming… all of it. Instead, he received the unexpected.

She sat down next to him, making him nervous. From the corner of his eye, he watched as she stared down at the photo of him and Rory. He wonders if she'll tear the picture.

"You love her," she says quietly.

Her voice is so uneven. He can't tell whether or not it's a statement or a question.

He just stays still.

"Go," she tells him, looking down at the picture.

His head whips around to look at her, wondering if she means…

"Go find her. Do what you have to do," she tells him, reading his mind.

He looks at her, amazed, shocked, dazed. "Kate, what are you--"

"I'm doing what's right," cutting him off. "What's the point of yelling and asking _'Where did we go wrong?'_" She smiles strangely. "What a rhetorical question."

A quiet laugh slips out of his mouth. Slowly, he's growing comfortable.

They look at each other, both waiting for the other to make some kind of move.

Her eye twinkles. But he doesn't see anything beyond that. He can't see the well of tears that's causing her eyes to gloss over. It takes everything in her to not let the tears tumble down.

"Kate, I'm so sorry," he whispers.

She nods, and gives him a reassuring smile. But she never says she forgives him.

"I guess I should… make arrangements and get ready…" he tells her, standing on his feet.

She nods and they smile softly at each other. He walks towards the door, but stops, and places one hand on the door frame. "How are you so calm about this?" he asks, without turning around.

She draws in her breath sharply, as she feels a sharp feeling rise in her throat. "Strong, I guess," she replies, in a joking tone.

He nods, with his back to her. _'Brick,' he thinks._ He walks out of the room, not pressing for any more.

She loves/hates he doesn't.

She hates _she_ doesn't.

The brick begins to cry.

****

A/N: In the very first version of the chapter, it was a bad breakup. Kate was angry, Jess was even more unbelievably OOC, and it was … bad. In the second version, which people actually read, Kate was less upset, and unbelievably understanding.

In this version, I tried to mix the two without going overboard on either side, so it's in the middle. Hopefully it turned out okay.

Opinions?


	6. California, Here I Go

****

Title: The Empty Space

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did_ would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

****

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

A/N: _Thank you for such positive feedback and being so clear. You have no idea how much it helps. **Jess **your suggestion will probably show up sometime in the story. I don't remember everything that happens. ;/ Thank you for your helpful review. :D _

I'm sorry this chapter took so long (longer than it should have, especially for the even shorter length) It will be made up. ;) **This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org **~ Stephanie 

Please R&R.

Chapter Six: California, Here I Go

It was four days after the break up with Kate, and over the past few days, they had rekindled their friendship. There were times when they would stand in silence, awkwardly, both thinking about what was past, and what was present. And sometimes it killedher to keep her silence. But she knew that in the end, it would be best.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, a question echoed. _For who… for who…_

-

She sat on the corner of his bed, watching as he packed yet another haul of books. She added them to the past calculation; the result: twenty-two. "Do you really need all these books?" she asked. As the words came out of her mouth, her eyes met the pile of cds, waiting to be packed. "And all those cds?"

He shrugs, "Can't leave without the books and the cds." It ties knots in her stomach unexpectedly. It sounded so final.

She doesn't let it show. But folds her hands on her lap as she continues to watch him. "Fine, pack all you want." The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence. In her head, she was screaming.

"So… what's your master plan, Jess?" she asked, rather awkwardly, trying to make the situation light.

"I'm staying with Luke for a few days, and then I'll… find her?"

"Was that a statement or a question?" she asks.

"I don't know," he replies. "I don't know if she's in Stars Hollow. I don't know where she's living. I don't know if she's in New York or in some foreign country with wars going off in the damn background!" He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated.

"My God, take a breath. I'm sure it'll be fine."

He nods and ends the conversation. He packs the rest of his belongings. Stupidity sinks in for awhile, before he dismisses it. He sits on his bed and stares off into the empty space. A sigh slips out from the corner of his lips.

She takes this as a hint and says, "I'll leave you alone for a bit. Meet me downstairs."

He can hear something in the back of his mind, but he doesn't make it out. The shut of the door shakes him a little, pulling him out of a short trance. He sighs and shakes his head, feeling out of his mind.

There was no question that he could not stay here. He had moved on. He had begun another life and developed into a serious relationship. But the past moved on with him. It haunted him and watched in a dark corner, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal to him that he had been deceived.

It was crazy that after a full seven years he would return to the place where it all started. After seven years of silence he would go back and try to work things out. He hated that it took him so long.

-

He carried his one duffel bag in one hand, and a map in another. As Kate's eyes met his she automatically gave him a reassuring smile. He tried his best to return a smile.

"You ready to go?" she asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. '_This didn't have to be a big deal,' she thought. 'Not if I don't make it out to be.' _It was just another lie she told herself from breaking down.

"Yeah," he breathes. "I think so." They stand and look at each other, face to face, silent. These were the type of silences that were eerie to both. Neither knew how to begin talking without making their voices sound so rushed.

Without any warning, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and buried her head into his shoulder. He drops his possessions and returns the gesture, as best as he possibly could. He knew this type of gesture. He knew his role; he simply wasn't very good at it.

Soft sobs could be heard from her as she tightened her grip. "Hey," he says as he pulls back. "Don't cry," he finishes nervously, looking at her with a weak smile.

She half sobs and half laughs, but then gives him the smallest of smiles. "I'm sorry," she says. "So sorry," she apologizes, again and again. "It's just hard," she tells him.

He nods in a understanding way, his stomach tightening. He thinks she might say more but she doesn't. "I should probably go."

"Yeah, you should," she replies; her opportunity has passed.

He retrieves his duffel bag and map and takes a deep breath. "Thank you," he says, genuinely.

She smiles softly and wipes away her tears. "Goodbye Jess."

"Goodbye Kate."

Unexpectedly she kisses him on the cheek. "Go make yourself happy," she whispers. He can tell by her smile that it is bittersweet.

With one last goodbye, he is out the door. He can feel her eyes watching him through the window, but he decides not to look back. It's in the past now.

He loads his car and then slips into his seat. With the turn of his key, and the roar of the engine, he can feel a surge of energy run through his veins. It's indescribable, but it exists. And it's all he needs.


	7. The Return of the Hoodlum

****

Title: The Empty Space

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did_ would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

****

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

A/N: _I couldn't help myself. ;) Finished this chapter fairly quickly, and, I think, it's the longest chapter yet. **This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org **~ Stephanie _

Please R&R.

Chapter Seven: The Return of the Hoodlum

It had taken him a full week to arrive in Stars Hollow. A week of seven long days. He would occasionally take breaks and park his car anywhere he could, and he would sleep for four hours at the very most. He ate fast food on the hood of his car, watching as cars passed him by. He forced books into his hands to read and turned the volume up loud on his stereo; it was all an attempt to drown himself.

But nothing could drown his fear. His anticipation. His nerves. He hated feeling the way he did. He thinks himself as an idiot. He knows it. It took him so damn long to return, and it was only because of some dream that shook him to the ground. He hates that the feeling was always there but he never made a move. Memories that appeared out of nowhere were the cause to drive him out here. He hates himself for ever thinking that he could last forever in Venice Beach. In the beginning, he had forced that on to him too. And then it just became a regular routine. His dream broke that routine.

Now he is sitting in his car in front of the _Welcome to Stars Hollow _sign, and he can't move.

A honk fills his ears.

It hangs there for awhile before it disappears.

He honks again.

He begins to drive, very slowly. Gradually, the town comes into view. His breath sharpens.

The man in the car behind him rolls his eyes. "What took you so long?!"

-

The soft morning breeze made its way into his car, filling it with a fresh scent. He drove past the gazebo and the ever-familiar shops; nothing had changed. It was the same little fairytale town.

He parks his car around the diner, seeing the breakfast crowd swarm the diner already. In his head he imagines Luke pulling back the curtain, yelling for him to get his ass downstairs. He would scowl as he pushed the curtain behind him and make some smart ass comment before grabbing an order pad and start working.

He shakes his head at his reminiscing.

He turns off the engine with a sigh and takes a book by the passenger seat into his hands. He opens the door and places his first foot in Stars Hollow in seven years.

He shuts the door and a sign reading: _Stars Hollow's 8th Annual Summer Festival: One more week 'till the fun begins!_ meets his eye. He rolls his eyes before he opens the trunk, and swings his duffel bag onto his shoulder. He takes a look at the town with a tight grip around his bag, taking a good picture of what he had left behind. With one final deep breath, he makes his way to the front of the diner.

He opens the door, and steps in, the diner bell has jingled merrily. For him, it was his unfortunate doom. Luke looked up from his work at the counter and paused for a minute. "You're here."

With the two simple words, every person in the diner whipped their heads around to look at him. The loud, cheery chatter died down in record time. With one quick glance, he recognized a third of the people in the diner. Just his luck.

He stood uncomfortably before them, trying to shift his eyes away from their shocked expressions and disgusted glares. He felt as if he were seventeen again. He walks towards Luke and greets him with a half smile. "Hey," he says, feeling the eyes of the diner watch his every move.

"Hey. You need help with that?" he asks, gesturing to the duffel bag.

"No, I'm alright," he responds. "I'm going to get settled upstairs…"

"Oh, yeah, go right ahead."

He nods and pushes back the same curtain and walks up the stairs.

Luke faces his diner again, whispering loudly. He rolls his yes and pushes up the sleeves of his shirt as Miss Patty quickly approaches him. "Luke, dear, what is _Jess_ doing here?"

"Would it kill you to mind your own business?" With that, he yelled for Caesar to take charge, and headed upstairs.

Once he was clear out of the way, she walked over to his phone and dialed the first of the many numbers she knew in town. "Hello? It's Patty. Boy do I have news for you…"

-

Luke stood in the middle of his apartment, watching as his twenty-five year old nephew unpacked his belongings. "So, you missed that downstairs?"

A small laugh came from his mouth. "Oh, yeah. Town's charming as ever."

Luke nods knowingly. "You need any help?" he asks, already knowing his answer.

Jess shook his head, "I'm fine."

Luke sighed and walked over to the edge of Jess' bed. He sat there, surrounded by books and articles of clothing. "Look, Jess, I just have to know… what are you doing here?"

Jess sighed and mumbled something right away. If he was going to be pathetic, he might as well go all the way. He wasn't going to deny it.

"What?"

"Rory," he replies, clearly and loudly.

A sigh in disapproval is his uncle's response. "Jess…"

"You don't have to say it, Luke, I already know. I screwed up, I'm a jerk, and I'm out of my mind. But this is something I have to do, okay?" He replies, snapping like a twig. He sits down next to Luke with a sigh.

After a long silence, Luke responds: "What about Kate?"

He looks at his uncle, in disbelief. What about his lecture? It takes him a moment to respond. "It's over."

He nods, "Is that because…" Before he can finish and make the guilt return, Jess responds with a simple yes.

"I trust you enough that you know what you're doing. Don't be stupid, okay Jess?" 

"No stalking, got it," his voice filled with sarcasm.

Luke rolled his eyes and chose to ignore his comment. "Lay low for awhile. The town's having a field day."

"Don't I feel special."

"I mean it, Jess. If Lorelai--"

"If Lorelai saw me she kill me with her bare hands. You don't think I know?"

He sighs. "Just give me time to explain it all to her, okay? She needs to get that you have changed."

He simply nods, not knowing how to respond. He wonders what changes Luke would explain to her. Jess had apologized after a couple of months after he had left, and after they would keep in touch regularly. Sure, he had a job and a nice home, but what did that mean?

"Just so you know," he can't believe he's doing this, "she's single."

"Oh," is all he says, as if it wasn't valuable information. 

The small apartment fell into an uncomfortable silence. Luke crossed his arms in front of his chest uncomfortably and stared of what was ahead of him. Jess tapped his fingers against his knees and stared at the ground. It seemed like this routine was lasting for hours, yet it abruptly ended after several minutes, by the sound of Taylor Doose's angry voice.

"LUKE!"

"Geez. What now?" he mumbled as he made his way down the stairs. After a minute of debating, Jess followed.

Luke stood behind the counter, standing in front of a very irritated Taylor. "What is it this time Taylor?"

"Why in the world would you let him come back here?"

"Jesus," he sighs in exasperation. "He isn't seventeen anymore, Taylor. I highly doubt any chalk outlines of dead bodies will show up in front of your market."

"Oh, that doesn't matter! Once a hoodlum, _always_ a hoodlum!" Jess smirked as he heard this from behind the curtain, clearly enjoying the show.

"Just stay out of this, Taylor."

"I will not. I will not just stand by as he parades around wrecking the town."

The diner bell jingled. "Who's going to wreck the town?" a voice asked.

Luke looked passed Taylor: Lorelai. She walked to the counter, tapping her fingers lightly on the counter, facing Taylor. "Who's going to wreck the town, Taylor?"

"That horrible hoodlum _Jess_."

A horrible, angry _What?! _slipped out of her mouth, turning her flaming eyes at Luke.

The pit of his stomach dropped.

Just as he was about to respond, Jess made his entrance in front of them. The diner, once again, fell dead silent.


	8. Seventeen

****

Title: The Empty Space

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, the characters, or the WB. And if I _did_ would I be here writing fan fiction? ;)

****

Dedication: To the lovely reviewers at Stars-hollow.org who were so kind, helpful and sweet. Especially Lorena, Arianna, Jenz, Shannon, Kelly and stargazer. *hugs* I hope to see you around here for the revised version. :)

****

A/N: _Thanks for reading! **This is the revised version of a finished fic that is up at Stars-Hollow.org **~ Stephanie _

Make my day: **Please R&R. **;)

****

Chapter Eight: Seventeen

He could feel the anxious eyes watching his every move, waiting for him to speak, never missing a breath. He had always been a source of entertainment; unpredictable in so many ways. But from so much practice he shifted his eyes away from the audience and looked directly into the eyes of Lorelai Gilmore.

"Hey, Lorelai," he greeted, coolly. That was his role, Mr. Cool. When things were rough he wouldn't let it faze him. Suddenly his mother's words entered his mind. _"Keep your head high, Jess. Don't let them get to you."_

This scenario was very different.

"Taylor," he said with a mock salute. Taylor rolled his eyes in response.

She stood there, two feet away from him with her lips pressed tight into a thin line. Her eyes were cold towards him. "Jess," she said, trying to hide the hatred from her tone. She surveyed him a bit. "You look good," she adds politely. "Older."

Her smirked, "Same to you."

Luke watched the scene, praying to God, while rubbing his clammy hands nervously. "Lorelai, can I talk to you for a second?"

She nodded, turning away from Jess and out the door with Luke. This, left Taylor and Jess all alone. Taylor looked at him with a dirty glare, disgusted at him in all ways possible. That hadn't changed either.

"I'm not seventeen anymore, Taylor."

He was definitely bolder.

Taylor crossed his arms over his cardigan sweater. "So Luke reminds me," he says in a knowing tone.

"So stop with the dirty look already."

He sighed and pointed a finger at him, "You may be older, but don't think I don't see through you! Inside, you're still the same, disrupted mess that you were at seventeen!"

He fell silent, breaking his own rules. Taylor left moments later, complaining that he had no time for his silly games.

Seconds later, his attention turned to the voices of Luke and Lorelai. They were quiet sounds, through the glass, but loud enough to hear what was being said. "He isn't a teenager anymore, Lorelai!"

"Don't you defend him. How can you just let go of all the crap he put you through back then?" she retorted.

Luke said nothing for a few seconds, long enough for her to realize the truth.

"You've had contact with him over the years?" she asked angrily.

"Yes," he said with a sigh. 

"Luke, I'm your girlfriend," she said with a throw of hands to her chest. "You can't keep these things from me…"

"Look, it's done. What do you want me to do?"

She swallowed, breathing hard. "Don't let him stay."

"I can't do that," he said gently.

"Why not?"

"If he wants to stay, he's going to stay. I can kick him out of the diner, but he's not going to go anywhere."

"You say that now," she said, annoyed.

"Look, this is something he has to do."

He has said too much.

A spark glittered in her eye, a curious, almost angry glitter. "What is he doing here?"

"I--"

"Don't say it, Luke. Please, don't say her name." She looks at him for some kind of answer, but when she receives a clumsy hand gesture, anger clouds around her.

She stormed into the diner. The door hit the wall numerous times; the bell rang loudly. "Stay away from her," she commanded with a warning tone.

With a glare that said everything, she walked off in a fit of rage. Hurricane Lorelai, that's what she was.

He stood still, not making a move. Gasps were heard from every direction in the diner. "Oh my," exclaimed Miss Patty.

The door closed with a quiet sound. He looked up, facing Luke. He stared at Jess with a familiar look. They both knew it.

Jess looked at him, as he moved his foot an inch, looking as if he were going to prove him right.

To everyone's surprise, he stayed put.

He was going to face this.

"I'm sorry."

Luke shook his head, disbelieving. "Did you have to do that?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, louder this time.

"Yeah," he said, heading back to the counter. "It's just…" he gestured his hands, "look what you've done."

He nodded, cursing himself for his stupidity. He took a quick glance around the diner, meeting eyes with watchful expressions. He rolled his eyes. "I have to go clear my head for a bit. I'll be back to help out later," he said quickly.

He turned around and walked out the door, not looking back to get Luke's approval.

Did he even _need_ one?

He really didn't know.

-

Luke stared at the door, watching his figure became smaller and smaller. And then, back at the crowd, their eyes never abandoning him. "The show's over. Now, eat." 

Everyone sighed heavily and returned to their food, while gossiping in their so-called, low voices. Luke rolled his eyes and went back to work.

-

He turned around as he strolled across the town. It looked as if time had stood still in the perfect town. Stars Hollow looked exactly the same way since he had last scene it. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, and walked slowly towards the one place in the entire world, where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed.

He sat on the bridge, his legs dangling beneath the bridge. He sucked in the clean air, and admired the glistening water below him. He looked up and stared at the image in front of him. He lowered his eyes; the sun much too bright.

After a minute or two of taking in the familiar surroundings, he pulled out his wallet. It had become a habit these last few days.

Like all the other times, he unfolded the picture slowly, careful not to break the picture. He ran his finger slowly over the contours of her face. 

__

God.

Unexpectedly, the silence that was once neighboring his location was broken by a memorable voice.

"You know, I actually liked you that day."

He turned around and stared at the calm face of Lorelai. "Lorelai," he breathed, trying to hide his shock.

She sat down beside him. He wonders if she will push him into the lake.

__

It's cathartic, I hear.

_Geez._

"There was something different about you then." A strange smile played on her lips. "I started to trust you then." Her smile turned into a smirk. "That lasted about a week."

He nodded, not knowing what to say, thinking about what had just left her mouth. Again, he was reminded of his past actions and the horrible things he had done. He stared at the water for a moment, and then back at the picture he held in his hand. His eyes focused on himself, and a feeling of numbness shot throughout his body.

_Do you regret it?_

"I really screwed up, didn't I?" he said aloud, unintentionally.

But it was too late to take anything back now.

Lorelai looked at him, stunned at what she was hearing. Questions ran through her head, speeding across quickly. _Could he really be-- …Had he changed?_

__

Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying, "Maybe...you didn't know him at all." -Jeff Buckley


	9. Author's Note

_This fic is on hold until I can write better for it, find time, and find interest._

_The whole entire point of **revising** a fic is to make it better; if I didn't want to make it better, you would be reading the horrible original version.  I can't find the right tone that this fic has; to add to that, I don't have much interest in the project right now._

_I'm really trying to concentrate on my other fic, and I have a list of fics I've been meaning to write/finish that I'm really excited about._

_I will finish this at one point.  I just don't want it to be any worse than the original.  ;P_

_Thanks for reading.  Go check out my other fic.  ;)_

                                                -Stephanie


	10. Another Restless Night

The Empty Space

A/N: Yes, it is true, I have updated. ;) I meant to update this sooner; I apologize. I know this is a very short update, but I do plan for a special update _very_ soon. Thanks for reading. Now, on to the update.

Chapter Nine: Another Restless Night

Silence covers them like a blanket, as he is waiting for a response. A laugh, a snide comment, a push into the lake. But there is only her surprised expression that he doesn't see. The question, he finds, is a rhetorical one, but still deserves some recognition. Tension spreads across his back like wildfire as the seconds pass (yet speed like hours). It's excruciating, waiting for a reaction. A snide comment, a laugh, a push into the lake. Something. Anything.

A minute has passed and he thinks he will die waiting on the bridge. _Jess Mariano found dead, frozen still on old Stars Hollow bridge. Doctors are trying to understand--_

"Can I ask you something?"

He nearly dies of shock and takes a breath to recover. "Sure."

"It's been _seven_ years. _Seven_ years. That is a _long_ time, Jess," she emphasizes on the time period. "You shouldn't be back here, after all this time, for…" Her voice trails off, knowing he can finish her thought.

"Her."

Her.

She.

She who haunts him day in, day out.

Rory.

"But, you are. After…all this time." She sighs, choosing her words carefully. "I don't know exactly why you are here. But I figure you must have a good reason. I suppose.

Just… be careful."

"What are you saying?"

She smiles, a glint in her eye. "I'm saying, that you seem different. And that whatever your reason is for being here, must be a good one. But I want you to be gentle, and careful with her."

"So you approve of me being here?" he asks, skeptical.

"You know, I never took you for being slow, Jess."

He smirks.

She smiles.

And the silence is no longer unbearable.

"I thought you hated me."

She shrugs, "I hate what you did to her. But it's been a long time. You can't hold a grudge forever."

He smirks. "So, how long?"

"Well, after year 3 it doesn't become fun anymore. And then, you find someone else to take your place."

He shakes his head. And she smiles.

There is some understanding between the two.

And above all, there is calm.

-

The bell rings, and the diner crowd looks up to find a small smile across Jess Mariano's face. He walks to the counter and begins to wash the plates in the plastic tub behind Luke.

"What's up with you?" He asks, noticing the look on his face. An hour ago, he had been upset, frustrated. The sudden evidence of joy on his face was a surprise.

He shrugs, "Nothing."

"You're smiling."

"I am not."

He places his hands on his hips and takes a better look at him. "You're happy."

Jess stops his task and glares at him. "Do you want me to help out or not?"

"Fine, fine," he replies, allowing Jess some space. He watches as his nephew hover over the plastic tub, washing plate after plate. Luke smirks over his shoulder.

"So, what's with the sudden mood change?"

Jess drops the current plate he's washing, causing several customers to look up from their food. "Luke!"

Luke puts up his hands in the defense, "I did nothing."

He rolls his eyes and goes back to the plates as Luke's laughter is playing in the background.

-

It's silent above the diner at eleven o'clock at night. Darkness wraps itself around the apartment, excluding the two corners on opposite sides of the apartment. Jess reads. Luke stirs. Crickets seem to be the only noise surrounding them.

Sleep becomes impossible, as Luke finds. He rises from his bed and walks over to the kitchen, where he grabs a glass and pours himself some milk. "Hey, Jess," he calls, milk above his upper lip.

"Yeah?"

"You ever going to tell me what was going on when you came back earlier?" He wipes away the milk with the sleeve of his shirt.

"No," comes the answer.

"Jess." He can imagine Jess on his bed, a couple feet away, book in hand with a smirk on his face. That was one of the clearest pictures of Jess that he could think of.

A sigh. And then: "She doesn't mind me being here."

He nearly drops the glass.

He sets it down and stands in front of Jess' bed, eyes wide. "Lorelai?"

"Yup."

Luke blinks.

"'Night Uncle Luke," he replies. And with that, he turns out the light, smirking as he sinks into his sheets.

-

The clock reads _3:32 AM _and he refuses to believe it. The scene is too familiar: Jess waking up in the early morning, sweat on his forehead as he sits upright in his bed. He hates that this has become something regular. Staying in Stars Hollow is too much for him to handle. Thoughts of her are much more frequent; he can't handle her invading his thoughts every other second.

He wipes away the sweat and sighs, before trying sleep, only to fail. He looks up and finds a framed picture of Lorelai, Luke, Rory, and him on Christmas Day and he's surprised he hadn't noticed it. (That, and the fact that Luke had even put it up) Troubled, he gets out of his bed and grabs his jacket, heading out of the diner.

From the moment he had stepped outside, there was no question where he would go. His feet led him away, down the familiar route that he had walked so many times. He had forgotten how quite and peaceful Stars Hollow had looked at night. It almost looked dead, and shockingly eerie at night, even with the twinkle lights glittering the way they did. Darkness laid its blanket on the idyllic time as well, and somehow, this comforted him.

He approaches the bridge, and watches as the tree branches sway back and forth in a rhythm. After a while he makes the decision to lie down. He crouches down and spreads his legs out before he is finally resting flat on his back, a clear night sky before him. He breathes steadily, and lets the sound of the cool water moving delicately and the quiet chirps of the crickets calm him. And as the minutes pass, the stress disappears and soon his eyes succumb to sleep.

He won't have to worry about a single thing… until morning.

-

Please R&R.


End file.
